Twenty Facts

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Here's what's been going on in Instagram, tagging people and sharing twenty facts about them. And because I heard people actually like to talk about themselves, here I am sharing it twice, on Instagram and on this blog, enjoy!

1. Truly Gemini: moodswings and always do multiple things at once. 

2. Used to be an extrovert but dramas changed me. 

3. Not a romantic person, 

4. But I've loved my boyfriend for about 5 years. 

5. Yet I still love my family more (and he knows it). 

6. Dreaming to own an ice cream truck. 

7. Still wish that I can draw. 

8. A bookworm. 

9. Have a box where I put diaries, journals, airplane tickets, and stuffs you might call as trash. 

10. Will bite my nails if I wear no nailpolish. 

11. Not a dessert person, prefer chips over chocolate. 

12. Majoring in Applied Chemistry but don't ask me why. 

13. Indecisive, 

14. In love-hate relationship with my decision to go to Germany. 

15. 2010 is so far the best year for me. 

16. Can do a crossstitch and a bit of amigurumi but I can't sew properly. 

17. Born premature. 

18. Might be so silent or so talkative. 

19. A coffee addict, but only at home (and yes, that isn't my coffee in this photo). 

20. Not a clingy person but I often cling too much to the past. 

Before Going Back

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Yeah, I suddenly feel like writing a new post to sum up this summer holiday. Only around 3 days left before I go back to Germany. Time flies, indeed. This summer holiday is actually longer than last year's summer holiday. I was even kinda bored last week and started missing Europe. Though these days, I started feeling blue because I have to leave Indonesia again. Home is always the best; the safest haven. Yet, nothing great comes from comfort zone, right?

Anyway, just to sum it up, I actually did a lot this summer even though some days my mind tricked me to think that I did nothing again. Yeah, my mind always makes thing complicated. I somehow forgot what I actually wanted from this summer holiday besides relaxing. Well, I think I wanted to try new things, to experience and to make some stuffs.

I went to some new restaurants and places that seem so beautiful in Instagram and tried to capture it too. (Lol, just following the trend). I tried internship at a bookstore and it surely brought a new experience for me (even though it didn't turn out exactly as I expected). I finished another draft of novel and told my parents and they helped me to send this to publisher so now I'm just fingerscrossing again. I learned to do amigurumi from Youtube and even though it still looks so messy, I'm kinda proud to say that I now know how to read the pattern.

So, in the end, I did stuffs, right? Maybe it's not that fantastic. I didn't go to the moon or do bungee jumping. I didn't travel unfortunately besides going to Jogja (but I promise myself to save money hopefully for the next trip in Europe).

Yet, I do have to say that this summer brings a lot of memories.

Leipzig

I went to Leipzig last Easter. See how it was a long time ago? Anyway, I visited my friends, and was having a great time with them. I was thinking to not post the photos, because I was not in the mood to take photos when I went there. But then, looking at how long it's been since I posted any trip's photos, I guess it's okay to just share some.

The memorial we visited and on top of it. (It's so exhausting to go up there with stairs, I swear).

I have thing for ice cream trucks. 

Easter market with vintage theme (or I forgot the actual theme, I guess).

Super awesome snack.

Bye, Leipzig!

Summer 2014: If You Never Try, You'll Never Know

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Hi! Sorry for abandoning this blog for long time. Yeah I know, I'm bad at keeping up with all of my projects and resolutions. But seriously, I don't even continue my 2014's resolution.

Many things happened. I'm in Indonesia now for summer holiday. And I'm just wondering, maybe, I'm just a lil bit too perfectionist. Maybe, when I go back to Germany (which is in  the next three weeks) I should just be a lil bit more relaxed. Yeah, after finishing this draft and sending it and hoping for whatever the best, I should just focus with my university's life and traveling (if I can save enough money first).

Maybe. Yeah, once again, maybe.

Because as far as I remember, I did make a similar resolution last year during summer break and I ended up with the same thing again. Being ambitious enough to finish my novel. Being ambitious enough to do well in university. God. Since when I started to become ambitious and perfectionist? I was all about 'up-to you' girl in high school, I swear.

I've filled this summer with reunion with old friends (and still besties), catching up with my big family and my boyfriend, and working. Yeah, i got the internship even though it's not a hundred percent same with what I imagined.

And God, I don't think I write this good enough now (see how I'm being more perfectionist now?), but who cares. I don't even know why I still write and who will read it. I just do. Maybe I should just let my dream go. Find another dream. Or maybe, I should work a lil bit harder, because it's just one step away from my goal. Who knows.

I watched Parenthood this morning (I love that TV series and it's been a long time since the last time I watched it actually) and one scene stuck in my head. How Mrs. Crosby said she wanted to be a professional dancer when she was a lil kid. And growing up lead her to think that so many girls actually dream the same thing, so why should she be the successful one? But she knew that if she didn't try hard enough to be successful, she would always ask, how would it feel to be successful?
It hit me quite hard. Well, no, maybe. But I often wonder that all novels that have been criticised badly in Goodreads came from the lil girls who dream the same thing as me.

I've been criticised since I was a kid. Hell, yes, I've realised that the reason i'm this indecisive is because since I was a kid, every decision in my life has been criticised by my own family. Indirectly. I believe they never realise it. So I'm quite afraid if I even get my novel published, it will be criticised hardly. Not only from the readers, but also from the family. What if I'm not good enough at the thing that I think I'm good at? I don't know what the point of writing this post now but I just feel to tell something. Because my parents don't even realise that I'm just the same with those examples of girl living with criticism. And I'm fighting hard, too hard, to show that I'm an all-okay-girl, if you know what I mean.

Well, this is getting too personal, I guess. But yeah, in the end I just want to say, I even keep thinking a pen-name, an alias, for me when I finally be a writer. Because, you know, I'm always afraid to know that those people talk about me because I fail. Hell, I know people always talk about other people. But it's your own family who talk about you, what would you feel then?

Maybe in the end, that's the real thing that keeps me from achieving my dream.

And, wow, I've written a lil too long and too personal post now. See you.