Journal For October

I'm still waiting for my visa and my mom starts worrying and asks me to start looking for the alternatives if I can't get the visa. And then I was like answering with: "okay, hmm, I don't know..."

for the question where, when, what, who, where do I want to go, when do I want to start, what major do I want to take, and who do I want to be.

Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm really lost. But, I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up now. I don't even know why I do that and not that. I don't even know who I am, was, will be. All that I know is I've sacrificed so many things for the sake of going to Germany. I let my IB results turned out to be so disappointing. I let my last year in high school full of going to German course and physics course, even when I was still sitting on IB exams. University things have always been a pressure for me to be honest. And the expectation for the girl who is able to get really good score in maths? It's also another pressure.

Oh maybe I need to have a project similar to happiness project called as who-i-want-to-be project. The project is designed to take a note about all my aspirations, dreams, passion as well as those that make me feel so productive. Well, if my visa will or will not come out tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.