Disderi: Life from the Four Lenses

Continuing the previous post, I'm back with the mood of playing with my film camera. I guess I never tell you that I own a Disderi camera with the 4 lenses. I got it as a birthday present when I was in the beginning of high school. It makes quirky sounds everytime I press the shutter button. And I just knew that my father was not so into the idea of me playing with a toy camera that he even purposely gave his Lumix to me. Well, that's why I never own a lomo camera even though I've been dying to since I was in high school.

 

Anyway, so far there were only 3 times when I used the camera. First time is during the sleepover, when my mom lost the film before she brought it to the camerashop to develop it. Second is during the holiday to Singapore, where it had been developed, yet I lost that photo album (and have always tried to look for it every time I went back to Jakarta). Then, last year, when I moved from Germany to The Hague, and also wandering around a fairground with my then-new friends.

 

I'm gonna post some of the shots. I like them even though most of them are blurry and too dark. Yet, too bad, the quality of the scans are not that good. I guess my boyfriend scanned it as 'document' instead of image and then cropped it. It will be good to scan it again but sometimes I'm just too lazy.

 

 

Turns Out

Turned out, I went back to Jakarta for the summer break. It was not that prepared actually.

My mom surprisingly bought ticket for me in less than a week before the departure date. I didn't even have a lot of time to prepare the souvenirs and do packing as I still had a lot of things to do before I flew back to Indonesia. Anyway, turned out, I was quite bored in Indonesia. Maybe because I was just having two hectic months in my life and then suddenly I had to do nothing. Maybe because I was always sort of paralyzed when I was in Jakarta since 1) I can't drive, 2) I don't have driver, 3) I'm too paranoid with the traffic jam, 4) public transport in Jakarta is still not that convenient. In addition to those all, I was also attacked by dengue fever during this summer holiday (which ironically happened when I visited my father's grave).

 

So, yeah, I did miss The Hague so much. It's so weird, you know. You feel homesick when you're in the Netherlands - away from home. But you miss your friends and your life in The Hague when you're home. Though, most people who met me say that I look happier now (hope that they don't think I'm actually okay after losing my father because no, I'm never okay). But I do feel more alive when I'm here in The Hague compared to when I was in Germany. They just admit that when I was in Germany, I looked like that I wouldn't want to live anymore, yet I wouldn't want to die as well ('hidup segan mati tak mau') - which was super true. I just never knew they realized it.

 

Now, turns out I'm actually having different state of mind compared to last year. I'm not that aspired to perfect my CV anymore. I know I still have to keep achieving things in life (or do I?). But now, I'm kinda back to the state of mind when I posted this 'Before Sunset' post. Don't worry, I'm still aware of who I am and what my responsibility is. I have to finish my bachelor as soon as possible. I have to work hard and find a job later. I don't really want to extremely 'runaway' and be a writer or an explorer or something like that. I just want to have a vacation, to travel and capture moments. To enjoy the world again, I guess?

 

Right now, I'm doing my internship at a cocoa factory and it's been so much fun. Í've learned a lot of new things. But I'm also starting to plan a trip again during vacation. I think this is a good sign. Though strangely enough, I suddenly have a bigger responsibility at the Indonesian students organization where I kinda have been tired to be involved at anymore. Well, 2 months until this responsibility is over. And 5 months until I'm free from the internship. I was really hoping I could be this busy. But maybe, I'm just exhausted enough now.