Finally, I got my me-time back. These past two months had been the busiest months ever. Facing the last block of the semester, I got 3 different projects that I had to do with the group plus one individual final assessment. Of course I had 5 different subjects that I had to ace for the final exams too. I had to prepare myself looking for internship and facing interview (and I finally got one in a cocoa factory, yeay!)
On top of it, I became a chairman for an event which was a coffee festival. That's actually something I never ever thought I would able to do one day.
Well, honestly speaking, last year when I was so down because I had to move from Germany, I sort of promised myself if I got the chance to start all over again in the Netherlands, I would do anything to live my life, to make my CV look better or actually, to just have more and more experiences. I know for sure that the time in Germany was the time where I didn't live up to my potential. But to finally able to go through these two hectic months, I was certainly having doubt at myself that I could do it.
I had no idea that this event would be so big and we actually only had two months to prepare it. We had to arrange 7 companies from Indonesia to travel to the Netherlands and promote coffee. We had to arrange 6 talkshows and 6 barista performances. And the hardest part -- like what my friend told me -- was to collaborate with a lot of people including your own team members. Knowing me, I never thought I could be a leader. I'm so indecisive (perks of being a gemini + a Javanese). I tend to runaway and I sometimes could be over realist -- which makes me a pessimist. But we did it. It's over. It went alright (I guess).
Yet, now that it's gone, and I could finally have free time again, I don't even know what I want to do. I'm lost again. I'm back with my sadness and the thoughts that you could (or have) read in my previous posts. I just want to have a break, but I'm torn between whether I should go home or not. I don't think I would be okay if I stay in the Netherlands during summer. Next week will be the first anniversary of my father's death. Time passes so quickly especially if your life's filled with too much activity like the past two months. But to go home, it's so expensive and I don't know if it's worth it or not. Damn it, I know meeting my family will always be worth the money. The biggest problem maybe, is that I've been running away this whole year, and if I go back to Indonesia again, I will face the fact that I have no father, my home looks empty, I don't have money, I'm... still nobody.
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