First Days Of College

I got so many feelings going on during this first week of college. The feeling of wondering is it right to be here. The feeling of thinking what do I actually chase here in Germany, in Linnich, in world.

And now I'm just here alone since my roommate is going out with her parents.

I just got back from being scolded by the dorm-master or student-assistant or I-really-don't-know-what-should-I-call-her because of skipping 2 classes (which were not entirely my faults okay...) and as you might know, I'm always overthinking on things. But now this girl is trying so hard to just let it flow.

Sigh.

Life's here is fun, when it's after the classes to be honest. No, the classes are not boring, they're quite hard even though I should tell you everything is just like highschool minus romance stories and cliche dramas, then plus physics lesson (which I don't really like) and German (everyday).

I'm just... I don't know. For the day before yesterday I felt like really really bored and didn't have any passion on doing things. Though I don't even know what my passion is. Yeah, pathetic. And then for now I just feel like saying; "shit, I should not be like this. I should act more serious now and stop being such a kid." Am I mad at myself? Well, maybe yes, maybe no.

The truth is, I don't know to whom I should tell everything.

Boyfriend? He seems so happy yet busy with his uni life. Bestfriends? They surely do have their own businesses. Roommate? I guess she already has her own stress that I should not add it. Parents? A big no no, since they have big expectation about me being here.

So, no, I don't know.

Even though I'm pretty sure they might read this sooner or later. But I'm pretty sure by the time they read it I have already changed.

I'm pretty labil (Indonesian infamous term for indecisive or moody). Yet I really need to get myself together. And never disappoint.

In the other side I start thinking of (starting) writing another novel if the time let me to do so. I remember the way I wrote during living in auntie's was much better than now, since I was, yeah, that alone.

But well, we will see it later. I'm just really tired and hungry for now.